It has been years (literally) since I have written on this blog, but a few days ago, while working on a documentary, I wanted to reference the way I felt when I first moved to LA, so I came here to read about who I was in 2010. Reading about your scared, nervous, excited younger self is somehow calming and satisfying, like looking back at an old photo. The things you felt were flaws at the time don't even resonate now, because all you see is how vast the opportunity before you was, and how the challenge you faced then shaped who you are and the skills you have now.
Here I am, waiting in a Las Vegas hotel for a costume fitting, about to begin filming on "Mall Cop 2", feeling much the same - scared, nervous, excited - to act with veterans of this industry, to perform stunts with one of the best coordinators around. Whenever I have asked myself what career success means to me, it has not meant fame, or being worth 5.2 million dollars. Being successful, to me, simply means "being paid enough to live by doing what I love." And now, I am beginning six glorious weeks of doing just that, working on a major motion picture with BIG actors and an actual PREMIER party. My own parents are planning on throwing a premier party back in Texas, with family and friends, but I will try to make it to the Hollywood premier next April as well. ;) As if a big movie isn't enough to be grateful for, between stints working on this project, I get to take a paid, five-day trip to Texas, to film my family and I for a documentary about being a female actress in Hollywood. I can't say I've "made it", as my sister jokes with me, but I can say that I am making it happen. The act of growth makes people happy, not the end result, and I am thrilled.
On the plane ride from Burbank to Las Vegas, a man about my age sat next to me on the plane, and eventually, we started talking. This man ended up being five-time Ironman World Champion Terenzo Bozzone, which I was stunned and fascinated by, and it was crazy to find that he was equally fascinated by my life as a working actress and stunt person. We talked about the daily rigors of our careers, our goals for the future, our favorite types of food, the people whom we love. Then the man from production picked me up to drive to the hotel, and I found out he moved to Vegas 20 years ago for the restaurant industry, quit after establishing a very successful restaurant, moved to LA to work in the film industry, paused for a couple years to become an X-Ray technician and worked in trauma, and got back into film. We talked about stunt driving, because he's thinking about doing that next. And I realized, with both of these experiences, that I am so drawn to and inspired by people who are constantly evolving. How many of us let our fears of not having enough, of not being good enough, stand in the way of exploring? What for? Would it be so bad to go after what we want, in our heart of hearts? I tell my clients, "you never regret a workout". I think the same is true of life; you will never regret getting up and going for it.
Life presents challenges. This sounds obvious, but it surprises me how many people assume being a professional actor is one of two things: impossible, or easy. Neither of these assumptions is true. If it were impossible, there would be no tv, no theatre, no film... what a drab world we would live in, without the stimulus of art to keep our souls and minds reaching! If it were easy, there would be so much material that art would begin to feel like a yard sale, with a few goods things and a lot of junk.
It has been almost four years since I first moved to Los Angeles (May 18th will be my anniversary). I consider this year's anniversary to be particularly important, because this is the same number of years I spent getting my Acting degree, at Carnegie Mellon. I feel that I am now graduating with what I call my "Master's Degree in Life." I have been an apprentice of the world, of the human condition. I respect my university and a formal training with deep admiration, but this living - especially the ugly parts of living - is the real teacher. I have to step back and think about the advice I would now give myself, as a new actor in LA, and, more importantly, as a person. I think it might sound something like this.
1. Make vision boards, as cheesy as they may sound, because they are like a best friend and a personal compass rolled into one. A couple of people talked about vision boards to me in the past, people who would swear by the magical power of these boards, and I would roll my eyes, thinking "this sounds like that summer when I was sixteen and cut out pictures of perfect-bodied celebrities, to motivate me to get in shape." But vision boards aren't supposed to be pictures of other people; they should be where you picture yourself. I read the lovely book "The Happiness Project" in December, and this idea of really mapping out a happiness trail sort of stuck with me. I didn't spend a dime on my board - I literally cut the back off of a cardboard box, flipped it over, and drew on it in different colored sharpies I had at home. I split the board up into categories, things I wanted to focus on this year, like "Actin/Voiceover/Stunts", and "Making Time for Fun", et cetera. I wrote any goals I had, per category, and left the rest blank. Then, each time I did something which I saw as an achievement in an area - like visual merchandising for Teuscher Chocolates in Beverly Hills, or surviving a week from hell - I wrote it in the respective bow. I also looked up my 2014 horoscope, for the fun of it - and much to Kaleb's mockery - and it told me that I would begin to unlock real financial and career success around May and June. Think what you will about the cosmic powers, but here I am, filming my first major motion picture! I don't know that it's so much a magical occurrence when things line up with my vision board so much as an accountability to my own personal happiness. Whatever it is though, it works!
2. You are too young to be a perfectionist. I started taking voiceover classes this March at Kalmenson & Kalmenson, and my teacher, the brilliant Scott Holst, told us this. He told the story of a young man who would relentlessly beat himself up if he flubbed a word or made a mistake, and Scott told him, "You're just beginning. How can you already be perfect at it?" I think this is a useful (and true) approach for life, whether it be career or personal. I find myself constantly saying, "give yourself permission to not be superwoman today; be a regular human being." Accept that you will have auditions or days where you fall flat on your face (like, hard) and then laugh about it! Laughing and crying are the same physical reactions of the body trying to release tension. So if you can do one or the other in a situation, pick the one that leaves you with a smile.
3. Don't feel like you have to be friends with everyone or make connections with each person you meet. This one took me a long time to be okay with. When I moved to LA, I was one heck of an eager beaver. I wanted to befriend the entire universe, like we would all go out into the streets and erupt into a spontaneous musical number about friendship and love, and there would be glitter and pyrotechnics and an orchestra. But I have learned there are some people who you definitely do not want in your own personal production of life. There are people who are mean, or selfish, or unfocused, or lazy, or sleazy - any number of adjectives that do not line up with the overall tone of my show, of my brand. Choosing to distance yourself from those people can be tricky, especially when they are introduced via friends, or, harder yet, people you used to have a working relationship with. But you have to direct your show, the way you want it to play out, with the right cast and the right crew.
4. Make time to focus on your dream every single day. The legendary John Wells told our graduating class this, and it stuck with me. Focus is the starting point, where from you must also actively invest in yourself. If a friend came up to you with this really innovative idea, and you said it sounded awesome, but then you didn't want to chip in for the Kickstarter or Indiegogo campaign, that would really prove a lack of faith in the product, or in it's perceived importance. I meet lots of actors (or other people pursuing careers) who say, "yeah, I really should take classes for x, but they cost money.. oh but I am going to this great concert next weekend (or I eat out every other day)." You are your own product. Even if your face is not in front of a camera, you are responsible for designing, cultivating, and producing the best product you can give to the world. That means spending money on classes, on books, on networking events, on wellness, on YOU. It also means making sacrifices, like missing an expensive VIP party to put that money toward coaching, or going to bed early because you have an important meeting that week. These supposedly small things all add up to create your product. A lot of people love Apple products (guilty), because they are made with aesthetics, ease of use, compatibility, and other elements in mind. If Apple suddenly started caring less about one of these "small" things, then the product as a whole would suffer. So go have your day job, while you need it, but make sure you are also setting aside time to chase your dream, in a mapped-out and deliberate fashion. People getting where they want to be is no accident.
5. Say thank you, say it with sincerity, and say it often. People like to know that their efforts, that their time, is appreciated. We all have 24 hours in a day. So if someone pauses during their precious hours and minutes to hold open a door for you, or bring you in for an audition, or say something kind, say thank you.
6. Think of networking as you trying to help other people solve their problems. I always had this stigma around networking (and to be honest, I am still working on accepting it). But fresh out of college, networking sounded like walking up to someone with all the power, admitting you had little to no power, and begging in total desperation for some sort of opening or attention. This was not appealing to me, so I kept my circle relatively small. This year, in line with the vision board, I really started reaching out. I asked casting directors for advice, checked with friends in animation to see if they had connections in voiceover, reached out to agencies on behalf of friends seeking representation - and guess what? I'm still breathing. The worst-case scenario when you ask for what you want is you get a "no". And if two letters stop you from chasing your dream, then you know you should be doing something else. You can be assertive and direct without being needy. And when people you network with help you, remember to thank them, too!
7. Support causes, people, and projects you believe in (even if you are poor). When I moved to LA (with less than $1000 to my name), I could have gone on welfare. I didn't go on welfare, but I also wasn't able to spend much money at all. However, I did manage to send $20 a year to my alma mater, because I knew they had given me something valuable that I wanted other artists to have a chance at. Now that I have a bit more saved up, I still can't give thousands of dollars, but I try to do little things, like seeing a friend in a show, or giving $100 to my local radio station, because I believe in the content they put on the airways. Next up, I want to find somewhere to volunteer. Find what you believe in at your community level, and make time to bolster it. It will help you meet wonderful people and will give meaning to your work.
8. Recognize that different situations require different toolsets and approaches. While preparing my script for this film, I started thinking, "do I need to do extensive character preparation, with an elaborate backstory and Meisner exercises?" The answer is no. The work I am doing right now requires good timing, a capable physique (I have been diligent about workouts and diet for the past six weeks), and a knowledge of relationships. If I were doing a one-hour drama for television, the specific tools I would need to use would be completely different. Realize that each piece of art you create, or each project you work on, needs different tools. In the art world, you might use different types of paint, different brushes or strokes - any combination of tools to create a specific end piece. Don't get too stuck to one method or other. Keep trying new things, and go back to the older tools you haven't used, once in a while. You'll be surprised how handy they can be.
9. Take the note with a smile and move on. One of my college professors, the incredible Matt Gray, had this thing about actors who couldn't just "take the note". After a rehearsal or a scene, the director gives the actors notes on how they can improve. Some actors need to argue, or defend their choices, to no end. Even if you disagree with the note, just say "thank you", and think about it. Realize that you are a part of a team, where each player has strengths - including you - that just need to be adjusted, so that they fit together well.
10. Take time to release, to recover, and to relax. Each of these three Rs is equally important. Find a way to release aggression and negativity, whether it's from traffic or your boss or the weather. For me, that's getting a good, sweaty hour at the gym. It's like chocolate cake without the calories for my brain. Then, recover. Give yourself permission to just be still, to sleep enough, to read that weathered, yellow book a friend gave you. You must also indulge in recovery, for you are an athlete of the human spirit. Last, relax. Do things that are soft, that make you smile, that are slow, like taking a walk, or going away for a weekend just because, or baking. Because you might get to do all of those things when you're old and gray, but balance will bring you peace long before then.
And there are the things I have learned in my graduate program. Beginning the next chapter always seems a little daunting, but, somehow, it always ends up well. And if it doesn't, don't forget - you have more chapters to write. Just come back to yourself.
Off to my first stunt rehearsal.... here we go!
