Smokehouse Shenanigans

I have now been working at Zeke's Smokehouse for two weeks. I am feeling more confident with the menu, as I am the person responsible for taking to-go orders, packing up orders for takeout and delivery, and serving the customers at the counter. I have a good time joking around with the kitchen staff, who affectionately call me "amore" or "corazon" laughingly, and who are teaching me simple Spanish, like "lechuga" (lettuce), "pepino" (pickle) "Estoy consada" (I am tired). With such a vast knowledge of the language, I will surely do great things. At this point of my career with the restaurant, I have three specific topics which merit sharing. These topics include: the tip rant, the salad, and cow-tipping. Those three topics also sound like an excellent self-help book title.

Part I: The Tip Rant

I realize we are in the midst of an economic recession. However, by economic recession, that means all of us, including the cashier or server who works at your favorite take-out restaurant. I grew up next to the Swingin' Door, a legendary barbecue restaurant, and every once in a while we would order a pound of brisket and some sauce for takeout, which we would then use to make delicious sandwiches at home. Looking back, I don't know if we ever tipped the cashier.

Now, I know many people don't know whether or not to tip the cashier. After all, he or she just stands there and hands out food and receipts while smiling, right? Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Please, kind and well-meaning people of the world, when you order something to pickup, tip your darned cashier. Your cashier (aka, me myself and I) is responsible for helping out the waiters, taking phone orders [over loud, live music and screeching infants], packing up orders (including the correct sauces, cutlery, condiments, garlic bread, and labeling), wiping down around the kitchen and serving line, and getting items prepared faster than Superman flies, all while wearing a bright, beautiful smile across his or her face.

As I have learned since enlisting in the food services ranks, the cashier (and I quote, from a mocking waiter), "does the most work for the least amount of money." Additionally, I can tell you that, personally, the money I make in tips is what goes toward buying my weekly groceries. So yes, your dime-and-three-pennies change is appreciated, but it doesn't buy me more than a couple of tic-tacs come Sunday, and I would really like to remain non-emaciated, if that's alright by you. Give me a buck or two. And may God have mercy on your soul, if you order $85 worth of food, ask for particular sauces, are served water (with lemon!) while waiting, and then leave my restaurant without leaving me a dime. I will never draw a smiley-face on your takeout container again, I swear it. And what then? Everyone will be depressed due to the lack of "melon-heads" (apparently an Asian term for people who go around smiling all of the time). So please, everyone. I know times are hard, but if you can afford to buy food out for $85, you can afford to leave the cashier - who works for a measly $9 an hour - a $1 tip. Think of it this way: you just raised my salary by eleven percent! Good on you.