I'm sitting in the back of a cramped Spirit Airlines flight from LAX to Houston, where my parents and sister will meet me at the airport in a few hours. Maybe it's because I'm used to flying with Southwest (where I am a very loyal customer and fan of their terrific customer service, free checked bags, in-flight snacks, and airline attendant optimism), but my shoulders and neck are on fire, screaming with tension and yearning for a good stretch or a workout. With another several hours in front of me, I find myself trying to relax, adjusting the air flow from the dime-sized vent above my head, and thinking.
Why am I so stressed out?
Today, admittedly, has been a less-than-smooth day thus far. I woke up early to pack, jumped in my car to head to a training session, got pulled over (and ticketed) for changing the song on my iPod (while stopped at a red light, I have to add), sat in traffic on the 405, got to the gym for training and had to wait (due to a miscommunication that was no one's fault), crammed in a sweaty backflipping practice session with Cory, took what my friend Cari calls a "Spanish Shower" in the restroom, drove my car to the airport lot, took the shuttle over to the terminal (and felt guilty about not having the foresight to get cash for a tip), checked in for my flight and realized that each piece of baggage - carry-on or checked - would be an additional $45-50, per item, crammed three bags into one and barely slid by the weight limit, got pulled aside and pat down at security, sat down to wait for my flight next to a man who started playing loud music from his phone, boarded the plane (and said a passing "hi" to the two guys filming the documentary, both seated in row two), and made my way back to seat 23E.
Going through all of that isn't a chance for me to wine, or to ask for soothing "there, theres". After all, I am privileged enough to be flying home to work on a documentary about my life, and the people and places I love, and that's pretty surreal. But as someone who is really tough on herself, just doing this mental re-cap of my day thus far lets me realize that, hey, I'm not doing so bad. I haven't had a breakdown yet (although I did see an epic meltdown from an older Asian woman at the gate that had airport security questioning her flying capabilities).
Over the past few weeks, I have found myself increasingly stressed out. I have been putting tremendous pressure on myself to nail this back tuck, which has actually slowed my progress a bit. Yesterday, Gabe had to remind me, "hey, this isn't about you proving you can do it, or getting it perfect. I've seen you do it, and you know you have it. You have to just let this be an experience of trying out something new, of having this fun opportunity to learn a new trick, which you may or may not use in the future." He was totally right. Old habits die hard, and if there's one thing I am continually challenged with and working on, it's the habit of beating myself up for not being perfect, or becoming so intellectually critical of a situation or task that my central processing unit overheats and dies. (Okay, so that last part was a turbo-nerd throwback to my junior year computer programming class, but it was an analogy that came to me and worked.)
Another interesting thing I noticed in the last few weeks? I know this will be a real shocker to the people who know me, but: the impact of my diet on my success. Yes, I know, I preach about this all of the time. But it is also a part of myself that I am highly tuned into, so I notice how what I eat changes my body and mind, in both subtle and dramatic ways.
A few weeks back, when I first got home, I started following a "no sugar" (including fruit) protocol. I had been eating pretty well during the first part of shooting in Vegas, but had enjoyed wine, or gluten-free cookies, or kombucha, or honey in my tea on weekends. I had been feeling great with my super "nut yeast salads", but would always feel just a twinge slower after I had sugar. So I figured I would take out sugar in LA while training. After about five days of no sugar, I found myself feeling much more confident. Not just confident about the way my skin looked or my stomach felt, but more mentally confident, more alert. Last Saturday was the best my backflips had been, I wasn't feeling compelled to be perfect, and I felt like I could take on the world. Then the past few days, I started having little bits of sugar here and there. Some (amazing) chickpea chocolate chip cookies, some plum wine, honey and almond butter on apples - nothing insane, and healthy variations of snacks, compared to most people - but this spiral started again. I began to feel tense, I didn't sleep as well, I started feeling anxiety about silly, unimportant tasks; at the gym, I felt myself retreating into old habits that I had overcome in the past few training sessions. As much as we have some really amazing chemistry and it feels like fireworks when we're together, sugar is that relationship partner who is just sabotaging my world, like the utter narcissist he is.
Now I know there is at least one person reading this post who thinks this is utter nonsense. If you had told me this ten years ago, when I was still eating along the guidelines of the Standard American Diet, I would have laughed out loud. So I debated writing about this, even though it is really interesting to me. Then, as I was flipping through one of the magazines I brought on the plane (as travel is usually when I finally get a chance to catch up on my stacks of literary materials), I read this article that convinced me I might just be onto something.
"Max Goldberg [..] struggled with depression for years. After 11 years of taking the antidepressant Prozac, he tapered off use of the pills in 2001 [and] he resisted his parents' pleas to resume medication while spiraling into a very deep, unsteady and lingering depression. Over the next few months, he lost his job, his savings and his girlfriend, and ended up living back at home with his parents. He had already embarked on a path to better health, eschewing cigarettes and alcohol, and eating organic and more nutritious foods. [..] Even so, it took more than four years for him to connect the dots between the foods he ate and the terrible bouts of depression he experienced. 'I realized that I would eat these cookies, and they would send me into a massive depression,' Max says. 'For me, sugar was just devastating.' Once he realized the effect it was having on his moods, he quit eating refined sugar and hasn't touched it for 10 years. He began learning how food affects mood and brain function - something he now works to educate others about - and says it is crucial to those who really want to experience a happy life."
(Article entitled "Dine Happy!: If you are what you eat, you might as well eat happy foods!", by Paula Felps.)
"Food affects mood and brain function." That is huge! It's not even that certain foods can give you acne, or cellulite, or bags under your eyes - but foods can change the way your brain works. That is both tremendously daunting, as well as incredibly inspiring, because each of us has the ultimate control in changing our own mental and emotional wellbeing, through the foods we choose to eat. It is a choice, and it is equally hard for everyone. Maybe sugar doesn't have this effect on everyone. But I would bet each of us has foods which, if we payed close enough attention, we would recognize as health saboteurs. I have a lovely friend from college who had been diagnosed with severe depression as a teenager. She was staunchly against the idea of popping pills (as am I), and asked her doctor, "are there any natural alternatives to fight depression?" He gave her a good long look and said, "it doesn't work for everyone, but try cutting out meat." She cut out meat, has been depression-free (and I might add, radiant!) ever since, and stays away from meat to this day. For her, it was meat. For me, it's sugar. I just have to wonder what our homes, our offices, our trips to the grocery store or our vacations would look like, if we all took a step back to say, "what does the food I consume do to me on a mental and emotional level?"
I have gone hard-core off of all refined sugar before, twice. Both times, after a month without sugar, I felt calmer, more sure of myself, and just downright happier. Have I tried this before and ended up going back to my old love affair with sugar? Yes. Is it hard as hell for me to ignore that 10pm craving for all things chocolate? You bet your bottom dollar. But, like I tell my fitness clients, "the exercises you hate doing are the ones you need the most." It's not just a rule that applies to the physical world; the exercises of the spiritual world, of the willpower world, are the foundations of character. It's like this saying that's on one of the walls at the Tempest gym: "that which resists persists." If I don't face something difficult, then it defeats me, and I am not going to let my mood and my general happiness be dictated by substance. Sugar is an addictive drug, which fueled the beginning of the slave trade hundreds of years ago, and which the USDA profits greatly from today. So if I don't believe in people relying on substances to get them through life, and if I want to enjoy the life I know I deserve, it's time to kiss this problem boyfriend to the curb for good.
I know I will enjoy a cool, bubblegum-flavored sno-cone this Sunday, at the place my friends and I used to go after high school for a treat, for the documentary. I will enjoy the heck out of that experience, and then I will say a bittersweet sayonara to refined sugar, at least until filming is wrapped. Then, I will reevaluate, and hopefully feel it is a good choice for me. Do I want to feel deprived when friends have a night out? Of course not. But if I can have a piece of fruit while they have their cake, then I know I won't feel deprived all the other hours of my day. We give ourselves the quality of life we feel we deserve, through awareness, action, grit, and patience. I am going to go follow Thoreau's advice, and live the life I have imagined.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
MC2: Day 24 - The Other Side of the Table
It's technically the end of day 27, although I want to write about my experiences predominantly from a few days ago, so allow yourself to be drawn back in time.
The past week, I have been back in LA, although not for downtime and relaxation. A good deal of work has gone on. I have been driving down to the South Bay (about 45 minutes each way) to work on gymnastics with Gabe, which - I am proud to say - has built up to me now being able to do a backflip or back tuck on my own. The next step is to combine this with running up a wall. I am leaving on Thursday to shoot the last part of a documentary I am in. We will be shooting my life/friends/family back in the Houston area, so I am hoping to find some time to go to open gyms or martial arts classes in H-Town.
Outside of training, I have also been busy on other fronts: calling and emailing potential voiceover agents and sending along my demo, going to meetings with reps and with casting directors, talking about a potential voiceover gig with a startup company, setting up an acting coaching session with the friend of a friend, browsing for a new apartment (with room for a training studio/office and a voiceover booth, aka recording closet), getting custom orthotics and new KT tape (to deal with shin splints and knee funkiness), sneaking in yoga and barre classes when I can, catching up on "House of Cards" and "Game of Thrones", and starting to think about research for my next project.
I can't say too much about it just yet, but after a taped audition, an in-person audition, two rounds of callbacks, and two one-on-one meetings with the writer/director, it is highly likely that I will be the lead in an independent feature, where I will play a professional MMA fighter. So likely, in fact, that we are talking dates, money, et cetera. I don't like to count anything in this industry as final until I have signed the paperwork, but this one is looking very promising, and also very exciting. Yesterday, I spent six hours reading with potential supporting actors for the project and chatting with the director.
It was beyond bizarre to find myself seated on the "other side" of the (quite literal) casting table. It was liberating as a reader, and interesting as an actor, to observe these individuals as they came in, not to mention the habits and behaviors of the director and camera operator. Some key things which casting directors have said to me in the past really started to make sense.
Actors, listen up. Most of these you have probably heard before, but as an actor who has "gone to the other side and come back (unscathed!)", I am truly on your side, and these are important jewels to know about auditions.
From the casting director's seat:
1. We want to meet YOU (not your idea of who we are looking for). We don't even know what we are looking for. In the past, I have sometimes gone into an audition trying to be what I think the CD wants to see. While you should be aware of your position within the scene (in terms of your relationships, purpose, obstacles..), you should also trust your instincts, in terms of the choices you make. During one of my callbacks, when I was acting, the other actress turned away from me (ignoring me), and I grabbed her chin and forced her to turn back and look at me. While you should check with other actors to see if they are okay with being man-handled before hand, this simple instinctual choice stood out to the writer and director. Trust the way you have painted the character, and respond truthfully in the moment. Nothing truthful is wrong. At one point, one of the actresses did a really nice read, and although it had not been the way the director necessarily saw that scene going, it made him rethink it and changed his mind about a few things. So trust yourself.
2. Your cell phone going off is only going to ruin your audition if you let it; we will forgive just about anything, just stay in the moment! Another actress was in the middle of a second take, and doing a really solid job, when her phone started to ring inside of her purse. She kept on doing the scene, thank goodness, because it was her best take! If something happens - even if it is embarrassing and your actor mind is telling you the casting people now hate you for life - just keep acting! None of us cared about the stupid cell phone, and it happens to everyone. If you worked in an office building and your phone went off in a meeting, would they fire you? No. Just do your job.
3. Trying to win us over with how cool you are is not going to work (especially if you call half the people in the room by the wrong name), even if you are the best at chair slumping in all the kingdom of Los Angeles. One actor came in, dressed nicely and with pearly white teeth, and proceeded to play Mister Cool for the duration of his audition. By this, I mean that he acted more like he was casually talking to some chicks at a bar, rather than attending a job interview. Even if you know the people in the audition room, keep it professional (yes, you can do this and be friendly at the same time). If you only have a few pages of lines, and you've had the material for a week, there's really no excuse for not knowing the scene (or the name of the lead character).
4. Humility, excitement about a script, and clearly being prepared (off-book and present) will get our attention and make us remember you, even if you don't book this role. This is a great place to move from point three, as the next actor who walked in - and whom you might recognize from some big movies - was completely professional. He was dressed in nice jeans and a simple white t-shirt, with clean hair and sneakers, and a smile. You could feel that he as genuinely excited about the material from the moment he walked in, and so it rang true when he told us how happy he was to be reading for the part. He was courteous, offered us variety in choices without going over the top, and thanked each one of us individually before exiting. Even if this actor doesn't end up booking this role - because he's a half inch too short or too tall, he's the wrong hair color, or he's just a different emotional color than the director sees as a good balance with the other actors in the scene - he will be remembered.
5. If you get a chance to do a second take, make it totally different (but not devoid of energy). Own it! A second take is your chance to wow us with your ability to change direction or levels on the drop of a dime. One actress did the scene - as though she was incredibly bored or had just smoked a bowl - and was then offered the chance to do a second take, at which point she said she would try taking it to the other end of the spectrum. We were excited, thinking we might be able to draw out something a little deeper. And then she did the scene the exact same way (save one bipolar moment of screaming, which was terrifying for those of us behind the table). A second take - especially if the auditions are running behind - is a gift. Use it to leave an impression, and own your time in the room.
6. Wear something nice, but comfortable. I don't want to be more focused on your cute shoes (or by the same token, distracted by your old jeans and worn-out tank top) than I am on your performance. Enough said on this one.
7. If you show up late and expect to be seen in ten minutes (before you need to leave for acting class or whatever), it's not cool to check how long we have the room reserved for and show up again ten minutes before we are supposed to be done. After seeing many actors and actresses, and dismissing our camera operator, the director and I were chatting about some things and getting ready to head home (for some much-needed food), an actress showed up - almost four hours after her scheduled time - to audition for us. So. Not. Cool. Unless you check with casting for a specific project, don't plan on doing this, unless you are Meryl Streep and can 100% blow us away. By that late in the day, and without the proper equipment, her audition became an inconvenience (and a chance for her to complain about also being late to acting class.. er.. ), and that's not how you want to be remembered.
8. For Pete's sake, don't run out of the audition room after you finish, like you have a train to catch or a level five disease just broke out. I would say about half of the actors we saw did this. Now, I know there is a stigma about reaching out to shake hands with the casting people, but at least square your body toward them to say thank you. Angling your body toward the door and just turning your head to say a quick and nervous "thank you" comes off as more of an apology, when you have nothing to be sorry for. If you stay facing the casting team, you can gauge whether or not they want to shake hands (which we did). Plant, smile, and say "thank you."
Hopefully, these will be a good reminder for me when I find myself back in audition situations in July and beyond. And if they can help other actors, even better. There is enough room for all of us, after all.
The past week, I have been back in LA, although not for downtime and relaxation. A good deal of work has gone on. I have been driving down to the South Bay (about 45 minutes each way) to work on gymnastics with Gabe, which - I am proud to say - has built up to me now being able to do a backflip or back tuck on my own. The next step is to combine this with running up a wall. I am leaving on Thursday to shoot the last part of a documentary I am in. We will be shooting my life/friends/family back in the Houston area, so I am hoping to find some time to go to open gyms or martial arts classes in H-Town.
Outside of training, I have also been busy on other fronts: calling and emailing potential voiceover agents and sending along my demo, going to meetings with reps and with casting directors, talking about a potential voiceover gig with a startup company, setting up an acting coaching session with the friend of a friend, browsing for a new apartment (with room for a training studio/office and a voiceover booth, aka recording closet), getting custom orthotics and new KT tape (to deal with shin splints and knee funkiness), sneaking in yoga and barre classes when I can, catching up on "House of Cards" and "Game of Thrones", and starting to think about research for my next project.
I can't say too much about it just yet, but after a taped audition, an in-person audition, two rounds of callbacks, and two one-on-one meetings with the writer/director, it is highly likely that I will be the lead in an independent feature, where I will play a professional MMA fighter. So likely, in fact, that we are talking dates, money, et cetera. I don't like to count anything in this industry as final until I have signed the paperwork, but this one is looking very promising, and also very exciting. Yesterday, I spent six hours reading with potential supporting actors for the project and chatting with the director.
It was beyond bizarre to find myself seated on the "other side" of the (quite literal) casting table. It was liberating as a reader, and interesting as an actor, to observe these individuals as they came in, not to mention the habits and behaviors of the director and camera operator. Some key things which casting directors have said to me in the past really started to make sense.
Actors, listen up. Most of these you have probably heard before, but as an actor who has "gone to the other side and come back (unscathed!)", I am truly on your side, and these are important jewels to know about auditions.
From the casting director's seat:
1. We want to meet YOU (not your idea of who we are looking for). We don't even know what we are looking for. In the past, I have sometimes gone into an audition trying to be what I think the CD wants to see. While you should be aware of your position within the scene (in terms of your relationships, purpose, obstacles..), you should also trust your instincts, in terms of the choices you make. During one of my callbacks, when I was acting, the other actress turned away from me (ignoring me), and I grabbed her chin and forced her to turn back and look at me. While you should check with other actors to see if they are okay with being man-handled before hand, this simple instinctual choice stood out to the writer and director. Trust the way you have painted the character, and respond truthfully in the moment. Nothing truthful is wrong. At one point, one of the actresses did a really nice read, and although it had not been the way the director necessarily saw that scene going, it made him rethink it and changed his mind about a few things. So trust yourself.
2. Your cell phone going off is only going to ruin your audition if you let it; we will forgive just about anything, just stay in the moment! Another actress was in the middle of a second take, and doing a really solid job, when her phone started to ring inside of her purse. She kept on doing the scene, thank goodness, because it was her best take! If something happens - even if it is embarrassing and your actor mind is telling you the casting people now hate you for life - just keep acting! None of us cared about the stupid cell phone, and it happens to everyone. If you worked in an office building and your phone went off in a meeting, would they fire you? No. Just do your job.
3. Trying to win us over with how cool you are is not going to work (especially if you call half the people in the room by the wrong name), even if you are the best at chair slumping in all the kingdom of Los Angeles. One actor came in, dressed nicely and with pearly white teeth, and proceeded to play Mister Cool for the duration of his audition. By this, I mean that he acted more like he was casually talking to some chicks at a bar, rather than attending a job interview. Even if you know the people in the audition room, keep it professional (yes, you can do this and be friendly at the same time). If you only have a few pages of lines, and you've had the material for a week, there's really no excuse for not knowing the scene (or the name of the lead character).
4. Humility, excitement about a script, and clearly being prepared (off-book and present) will get our attention and make us remember you, even if you don't book this role. This is a great place to move from point three, as the next actor who walked in - and whom you might recognize from some big movies - was completely professional. He was dressed in nice jeans and a simple white t-shirt, with clean hair and sneakers, and a smile. You could feel that he as genuinely excited about the material from the moment he walked in, and so it rang true when he told us how happy he was to be reading for the part. He was courteous, offered us variety in choices without going over the top, and thanked each one of us individually before exiting. Even if this actor doesn't end up booking this role - because he's a half inch too short or too tall, he's the wrong hair color, or he's just a different emotional color than the director sees as a good balance with the other actors in the scene - he will be remembered.
5. If you get a chance to do a second take, make it totally different (but not devoid of energy). Own it! A second take is your chance to wow us with your ability to change direction or levels on the drop of a dime. One actress did the scene - as though she was incredibly bored or had just smoked a bowl - and was then offered the chance to do a second take, at which point she said she would try taking it to the other end of the spectrum. We were excited, thinking we might be able to draw out something a little deeper. And then she did the scene the exact same way (save one bipolar moment of screaming, which was terrifying for those of us behind the table). A second take - especially if the auditions are running behind - is a gift. Use it to leave an impression, and own your time in the room.
6. Wear something nice, but comfortable. I don't want to be more focused on your cute shoes (or by the same token, distracted by your old jeans and worn-out tank top) than I am on your performance. Enough said on this one.
7. If you show up late and expect to be seen in ten minutes (before you need to leave for acting class or whatever), it's not cool to check how long we have the room reserved for and show up again ten minutes before we are supposed to be done. After seeing many actors and actresses, and dismissing our camera operator, the director and I were chatting about some things and getting ready to head home (for some much-needed food), an actress showed up - almost four hours after her scheduled time - to audition for us. So. Not. Cool. Unless you check with casting for a specific project, don't plan on doing this, unless you are Meryl Streep and can 100% blow us away. By that late in the day, and without the proper equipment, her audition became an inconvenience (and a chance for her to complain about also being late to acting class.. er.. ), and that's not how you want to be remembered.
8. For Pete's sake, don't run out of the audition room after you finish, like you have a train to catch or a level five disease just broke out. I would say about half of the actors we saw did this. Now, I know there is a stigma about reaching out to shake hands with the casting people, but at least square your body toward them to say thank you. Angling your body toward the door and just turning your head to say a quick and nervous "thank you" comes off as more of an apology, when you have nothing to be sorry for. If you stay facing the casting team, you can gauge whether or not they want to shake hands (which we did). Plant, smile, and say "thank you."
Hopefully, these will be a good reminder for me when I find myself back in audition situations in July and beyond. And if they can help other actors, even better. There is enough room for all of us, after all.
Friday, May 16, 2014
MC2 Day 17: Patience
I have never been a patient person. In fact, because fear and a general hatred of mathematics cannot really be considered a character flaw (I assume), I would say patience - or, rather, a lack of patience - is my biggest character flaw.
I have always wanted to be surrounded by friendly people, and I have always wanted to do everything right this minute. As a kid growing up in rural Texas, down a gravel road with only one other kid in the neighborhood, I spent every waking minute I could with that kid, Sarah. We would sneak into a bamboo grove in an old woman's yard to pretend we were ancient Indians, or make dreamcatchers out of popsicle sticks in the loft of her barn, or try to "climb the walls" in the narrow hallway by her bedroom. Inevitably, my mom would call at some point, telling me it was time to come home. I would trudge home, disgruntled and annoyed, because my mom wanted me to have what she called "downtime". To me, downtime - where the hours dragged on in boredom, when they could have been spent on make-believe adventures - seemed like a punishment. I was always restless or antsy, and would use this "alone time" to do productive things, like working on categorizing geodes and rocks (I thought I might become a geologist), or writing scripts for my siblings and I to perform in the living room, or writing short stories or poetry. I always felt like Jo from Little Women, who didn't particularly care about being girly, or falling in love, or being proper. Jo and I always yearned for great, bold adventures, for the excitement of the wider world, for the pace of a life lived with gusto and appetite for culture and challenge.
I suppose then, it is no huge surprise that the grown-up version of me is still very much the same person. I find myself back in Los Angeles for a few brief weeks of training, before heading to Texas to work on a documentary, and then back to Vegas for all of June to complete filming on "Mall Cop". As the training schedule in place is very demanding and will have me out and about, either with physical work or driving, during the week, I have put my regular classes I teach on hold, much to the disappointment of some dear students and clients (whom I adore and have not forgotten!). And with this bizarre sort of stillness in the later part of the day, I find myself going absolutely crazy with restlessness. I crave the sort of peace and calm that Kaleb draws from being alone, from spending hours engulfed in a game or a show, but I know that is not me.
I have been incredibly productive in the last few days. From a physical training perspective, I have been taking yoga, martial arts, and tumbling, and I even dragged myself to the local pool today, to use a kickboard and to do some water jogging. I loathe swimming, but eventually, I will have to come up with the courage to tackle that one, too. I finally got to see an orthopedist for the shoulder injury I got in mid-April, and he believes it is a simple matter of bursitis at this point, which is not uncommon with athletes and people in their mid-twenties who are active. He told me which exercises to avoid - which I had been doing for the past three weeks anyway, after doing my own research - but at least my $50 copay went toward the peace of mind of knowing I do not have a rotator cuff tear (yet; have to remain careful). I also started working on exercises for shin splints, as the last week brought on excruciating pain along my anterior shins (outsides of my knees). Sitting on the floor and circling my ankles or pointing and flexing through a resistance band for 45 minutes feels like sheer torture to me; I want to be jumping, flying, dancing! I find myself talking in my head the way I would to an injured client: "This is minor, and it is worth fixing and slowing down for, before it becomes major." And after doing all of the exercises, I stand up to walk, and I know from how much better the legs already feel that I am right.
From a career perspective, I have been equally productive. I tell myself that I am on sabbatical right now, a term which mystified me throughout college, and which I assumed meant an extended vacation, filled with laziness. But a sabbatical is actually a ceasing, a rest from work. In modern times, it is usually a rest period that is taken in order to achieve a goal. Now that I can work with! I have been revisiting my goals for this year, and actively breaking down the steps and the links that are missing (or, as Loni would say, the holes that need to be filled). I sent out emails to no less than 25 voiceover agencies, seeking representation, as I now have six weeks of very solid classes under my belt and a demo ready to rock and roll. I heard back from two so far, and have set up meetings with both. Next week, I will call the other agencies (as Scott, my teacher, recommended the best ones), so that I can keep my options open. I absolutely believe you should work with someone - no matter what field you are in - who believes in your talent and whom you feel a natural ease and connection with. I have also reached out to several stunt coordinators, to talk about meetings in July, when I get back into LA. I am in the process of ordering new business cards, I have a voiceover gig to record next week (thanks to the referral of a good college friend to his company!), a new skincare regimen I am trying out (thanks to the advice of my makeup artist from Mall Cop 2!), and a very good chance of being the lead in a independent feature film that I strongly believe in. Not bad for the course of a few days.
And yet, with all of this possibility and opportunity, I still find myself asking, "what else can you be doing to be better?" I think this is a big lesson in learning to be still for me. No, it is not easy to make the switch from all-night shoots on set, filled with coffee and excitement, to more measured, spaced-out work during the day. Yet that is the life of an actor. Those who have been in the industry for a while will tell you that when you work, you work for six months straight, and then you will have three months with nothing going on. Sure, this sounds exciting, and many people assume that us actors and stunt guys and gals simply get to take a three-month vacation, but the truth is that artists crave new art. Always. Triathletes say, "how can I be faster?" Dancers say, "how can I jump higher, be lighter?" And I am no different. Perhaps the trick is this: rather than thinking that stillness is a robbery of your momentum, believe that in the external stillness, the little gears and internal pieces of the universe and all the cosmos are shifting and aligning with your vision, with your work. You must give that process time. The earth alone took millions of years to form, and every stage, every second, every trickle in that process has led to you standing on your own two feet today, surrounded by a world full of (literal) biological promise and opportunity. When you cannot see the change, trust that it is evolving independent of our limited sight.
I will keep telling myself this, because this understanding does afford me some clarity. Belief that your goal is worth achieving and the patience to let it evolve will lead to mastery and, more importantly, happiness along the way. At least I like to think so.
I have always wanted to be surrounded by friendly people, and I have always wanted to do everything right this minute. As a kid growing up in rural Texas, down a gravel road with only one other kid in the neighborhood, I spent every waking minute I could with that kid, Sarah. We would sneak into a bamboo grove in an old woman's yard to pretend we were ancient Indians, or make dreamcatchers out of popsicle sticks in the loft of her barn, or try to "climb the walls" in the narrow hallway by her bedroom. Inevitably, my mom would call at some point, telling me it was time to come home. I would trudge home, disgruntled and annoyed, because my mom wanted me to have what she called "downtime". To me, downtime - where the hours dragged on in boredom, when they could have been spent on make-believe adventures - seemed like a punishment. I was always restless or antsy, and would use this "alone time" to do productive things, like working on categorizing geodes and rocks (I thought I might become a geologist), or writing scripts for my siblings and I to perform in the living room, or writing short stories or poetry. I always felt like Jo from Little Women, who didn't particularly care about being girly, or falling in love, or being proper. Jo and I always yearned for great, bold adventures, for the excitement of the wider world, for the pace of a life lived with gusto and appetite for culture and challenge.
I suppose then, it is no huge surprise that the grown-up version of me is still very much the same person. I find myself back in Los Angeles for a few brief weeks of training, before heading to Texas to work on a documentary, and then back to Vegas for all of June to complete filming on "Mall Cop". As the training schedule in place is very demanding and will have me out and about, either with physical work or driving, during the week, I have put my regular classes I teach on hold, much to the disappointment of some dear students and clients (whom I adore and have not forgotten!). And with this bizarre sort of stillness in the later part of the day, I find myself going absolutely crazy with restlessness. I crave the sort of peace and calm that Kaleb draws from being alone, from spending hours engulfed in a game or a show, but I know that is not me.
I have been incredibly productive in the last few days. From a physical training perspective, I have been taking yoga, martial arts, and tumbling, and I even dragged myself to the local pool today, to use a kickboard and to do some water jogging. I loathe swimming, but eventually, I will have to come up with the courage to tackle that one, too. I finally got to see an orthopedist for the shoulder injury I got in mid-April, and he believes it is a simple matter of bursitis at this point, which is not uncommon with athletes and people in their mid-twenties who are active. He told me which exercises to avoid - which I had been doing for the past three weeks anyway, after doing my own research - but at least my $50 copay went toward the peace of mind of knowing I do not have a rotator cuff tear (yet; have to remain careful). I also started working on exercises for shin splints, as the last week brought on excruciating pain along my anterior shins (outsides of my knees). Sitting on the floor and circling my ankles or pointing and flexing through a resistance band for 45 minutes feels like sheer torture to me; I want to be jumping, flying, dancing! I find myself talking in my head the way I would to an injured client: "This is minor, and it is worth fixing and slowing down for, before it becomes major." And after doing all of the exercises, I stand up to walk, and I know from how much better the legs already feel that I am right.
From a career perspective, I have been equally productive. I tell myself that I am on sabbatical right now, a term which mystified me throughout college, and which I assumed meant an extended vacation, filled with laziness. But a sabbatical is actually a ceasing, a rest from work. In modern times, it is usually a rest period that is taken in order to achieve a goal. Now that I can work with! I have been revisiting my goals for this year, and actively breaking down the steps and the links that are missing (or, as Loni would say, the holes that need to be filled). I sent out emails to no less than 25 voiceover agencies, seeking representation, as I now have six weeks of very solid classes under my belt and a demo ready to rock and roll. I heard back from two so far, and have set up meetings with both. Next week, I will call the other agencies (as Scott, my teacher, recommended the best ones), so that I can keep my options open. I absolutely believe you should work with someone - no matter what field you are in - who believes in your talent and whom you feel a natural ease and connection with. I have also reached out to several stunt coordinators, to talk about meetings in July, when I get back into LA. I am in the process of ordering new business cards, I have a voiceover gig to record next week (thanks to the referral of a good college friend to his company!), a new skincare regimen I am trying out (thanks to the advice of my makeup artist from Mall Cop 2!), and a very good chance of being the lead in a independent feature film that I strongly believe in. Not bad for the course of a few days.
And yet, with all of this possibility and opportunity, I still find myself asking, "what else can you be doing to be better?" I think this is a big lesson in learning to be still for me. No, it is not easy to make the switch from all-night shoots on set, filled with coffee and excitement, to more measured, spaced-out work during the day. Yet that is the life of an actor. Those who have been in the industry for a while will tell you that when you work, you work for six months straight, and then you will have three months with nothing going on. Sure, this sounds exciting, and many people assume that us actors and stunt guys and gals simply get to take a three-month vacation, but the truth is that artists crave new art. Always. Triathletes say, "how can I be faster?" Dancers say, "how can I jump higher, be lighter?" And I am no different. Perhaps the trick is this: rather than thinking that stillness is a robbery of your momentum, believe that in the external stillness, the little gears and internal pieces of the universe and all the cosmos are shifting and aligning with your vision, with your work. You must give that process time. The earth alone took millions of years to form, and every stage, every second, every trickle in that process has led to you standing on your own two feet today, surrounded by a world full of (literal) biological promise and opportunity. When you cannot see the change, trust that it is evolving independent of our limited sight.
I will keep telling myself this, because this understanding does afford me some clarity. Belief that your goal is worth achieving and the patience to let it evolve will lead to mastery and, more importantly, happiness along the way. At least I like to think so.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
MC2 Day 12: Princes and Princesses
As the weekend draws to a close, I finally am getting a chance to unwind. Tonight, I got to watch "Game of Thrones" on the large tv in my bedroom, nestled in my king-sized hotel bed with a gazillion pillows and a comforter from the gods. And it occurred to me that, while I had great plans of watching loads of tv here in Vegas, I have been too busy rehearsing and enjoying new friendships to watch much at all. Truth be told, that's more than okay with me.
With night shoots, your body gets thrown into quite a funk, especially when you are also training during the day. On Friday, for example, I spent about 2.5 hours practicing my martial arts and gymnastics with Gabe, came back to the hotel for a late lunch, napped like I had been sucker-punched for two hours, and then woke up to go to set. I got to set at 10pm, and I didn't crawl into bed until 6am on Saturday morning. By this point, I was worn out, restless after having mandatory coffee at 2am, and mildly frustrated that my scene had been difficult to shoot. After a week of mixed day and night shoots, the cast, crew, and creative head honchos are all ready to just get the darned thing taped. With all of that said, I only slept about four hours, before the hotel room phone shattered my slumber, announcing that the groceries I had delivered online from Vons had arrived. At this point, I gave up on sleep, and decided to try to get on with my day.
In my groggy, bummed-out funk of Saturday morning, I decided I was going to bake a batch of gluten-free cookies, using the gluten-free flour my colleague Leif had grabbed at the store, and the other things I had at my disposal in the hotel. Despite my best efforts, after an hour of mixing and tasting and remixing and researching, I popped a "cookie" in the oven as a tester. Ten minutes later, I pulled out what looked like a day-old cow chip and tasted like a combination of soil and flour. Now, I was raised to never throw food away, but this experiment was beyond salvation. Feeling quite disgruntled at this point, not to mention a little stiff, I looked up a local yoga studio and decided to head to a class. I grabbed my mat, popped my iPod headphones in, and walked nearly two miles to Blue Sky Yoga Studio.
Blue Sky Yoga was an odd little place, in the center of a building which was home to a Mexican restaurant, several local street artists' works, a film festival for the day, and a teensy parking lot. There were amateur artists' renderings for sale along the walls of the dim yoga space, depicting Bob Marley, leopards, Dia de los Muertos skeletons, and words like "Believe". The floor looked like particle board, and the other three students placed their mats haphazardly, in whatever direction they liked that day. I wasn't sure what to expect. But once we got into the practice, I found my expectations quieting and my breath and muscles and mind softening, reminding me why I feel so grounded when a consistent practice is a part of my life. I have tried many, many forms of fitness, and I teach many now. Yet I always come back to yoga as the place where I feel most rooted and connected.
After the yoga class, while putting my socks and shoes on in the little communal hallway of this eclectic building community, I asked the teacher if there were an grocery stores within walking distance (as I was determined to make cookies that were actually enjoyable). She told me about a store called Smith's, but it sounded a bit far. At this point, a guy standing by the film festival room looked at me and said, "well you can use my car, if you want."
Here's the crazy thing: this guy was not in the least bit creepy, or invasive, or anything off-putting. He was just a sweet makeup artist named Ricky, and he genuinely was happy to let me borrow his car. My mouth dropped. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Yep, no problem," he said with a smile. He then walked me out to his yellow bug convertible, apologized for a few pieces of paper on the floor, explained how to get to the grocery store, and handed me the keys. "Thank you so much," I sputtered. "I'll be right back." To which he simply replied, "I know you will," with a smile and walked back inside.
I was so touched by this act of kindness. This man, only a few years older than myself, didn't know anything about me, other than the fact that I needed groceries. He went out of his way, and did something many people would consider crazy, to help make my day a little easier. When I came back from my grocery run, I thanked him and told him it had been a rough morning, and that he was really a blessing. He gave me a big bear hug, told me, "no problem," and insisted on sending me away with two MAC lipsticks for free, just because.
Sometimes - quite often, in fact - we get so caught up in our own agendas, or in the paranoia of a media-driven society, that we don't even realize we have the option of treating perfect strangers like princes and princesses. But unexpected and unmerited generosity leaves such a dramatic impact on another person's day and potentially, on his or her life. Ricky the makeup artist completely changed the direction of my day. It is easier to be hospitable and generous with friends and family, but yesterday, I was reminded that strangers are simply friends and family we don't know we've got yet. Why not afford them the same love, the same support? Cynics will call this naivete or pure craziness, but I see a lot of good born out of the courage of kindness.
After I walked back to the hotel, it seemed like this care had been further extended by the cleaning crew that day: my room had been straightened up, but with such attention to detail that it felt as though someone upstairs was whispering, "shh, it's okay. You don't always have to work so hard. Let people help you, for a change." The shoes in my room had been neatly lined up, my stuffed animal duck had been carefully placed in front of the pillows on my bed, all of the dishes had been washed and dried, the bathroom vanity had been specifically organized. I felt lucky rather than spoiled. None of these acts had taken any great expense or resources, but the care that had gone into them put a smile on my face that lasted throughout the weekend (and even allowed me to make some banging gluten-free cookies, if I do say so myself).
Starting off with filming tomorrow morning, I'm beginning this new week with a renewed sense of perspective. Perhaps I can channel my effort into enabling someone else, whom I might not know, and helping a "victim of circumstance" become a prince or princess of circumstance. Because inside each grown man and grown woman is a five-year-old who wants and needs to feel that way, at least once in a while.
With night shoots, your body gets thrown into quite a funk, especially when you are also training during the day. On Friday, for example, I spent about 2.5 hours practicing my martial arts and gymnastics with Gabe, came back to the hotel for a late lunch, napped like I had been sucker-punched for two hours, and then woke up to go to set. I got to set at 10pm, and I didn't crawl into bed until 6am on Saturday morning. By this point, I was worn out, restless after having mandatory coffee at 2am, and mildly frustrated that my scene had been difficult to shoot. After a week of mixed day and night shoots, the cast, crew, and creative head honchos are all ready to just get the darned thing taped. With all of that said, I only slept about four hours, before the hotel room phone shattered my slumber, announcing that the groceries I had delivered online from Vons had arrived. At this point, I gave up on sleep, and decided to try to get on with my day.
In my groggy, bummed-out funk of Saturday morning, I decided I was going to bake a batch of gluten-free cookies, using the gluten-free flour my colleague Leif had grabbed at the store, and the other things I had at my disposal in the hotel. Despite my best efforts, after an hour of mixing and tasting and remixing and researching, I popped a "cookie" in the oven as a tester. Ten minutes later, I pulled out what looked like a day-old cow chip and tasted like a combination of soil and flour. Now, I was raised to never throw food away, but this experiment was beyond salvation. Feeling quite disgruntled at this point, not to mention a little stiff, I looked up a local yoga studio and decided to head to a class. I grabbed my mat, popped my iPod headphones in, and walked nearly two miles to Blue Sky Yoga Studio.
Blue Sky Yoga was an odd little place, in the center of a building which was home to a Mexican restaurant, several local street artists' works, a film festival for the day, and a teensy parking lot. There were amateur artists' renderings for sale along the walls of the dim yoga space, depicting Bob Marley, leopards, Dia de los Muertos skeletons, and words like "Believe". The floor looked like particle board, and the other three students placed their mats haphazardly, in whatever direction they liked that day. I wasn't sure what to expect. But once we got into the practice, I found my expectations quieting and my breath and muscles and mind softening, reminding me why I feel so grounded when a consistent practice is a part of my life. I have tried many, many forms of fitness, and I teach many now. Yet I always come back to yoga as the place where I feel most rooted and connected.
After the yoga class, while putting my socks and shoes on in the little communal hallway of this eclectic building community, I asked the teacher if there were an grocery stores within walking distance (as I was determined to make cookies that were actually enjoyable). She told me about a store called Smith's, but it sounded a bit far. At this point, a guy standing by the film festival room looked at me and said, "well you can use my car, if you want."
Here's the crazy thing: this guy was not in the least bit creepy, or invasive, or anything off-putting. He was just a sweet makeup artist named Ricky, and he genuinely was happy to let me borrow his car. My mouth dropped. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Yep, no problem," he said with a smile. He then walked me out to his yellow bug convertible, apologized for a few pieces of paper on the floor, explained how to get to the grocery store, and handed me the keys. "Thank you so much," I sputtered. "I'll be right back." To which he simply replied, "I know you will," with a smile and walked back inside.
I was so touched by this act of kindness. This man, only a few years older than myself, didn't know anything about me, other than the fact that I needed groceries. He went out of his way, and did something many people would consider crazy, to help make my day a little easier. When I came back from my grocery run, I thanked him and told him it had been a rough morning, and that he was really a blessing. He gave me a big bear hug, told me, "no problem," and insisted on sending me away with two MAC lipsticks for free, just because.
Sometimes - quite often, in fact - we get so caught up in our own agendas, or in the paranoia of a media-driven society, that we don't even realize we have the option of treating perfect strangers like princes and princesses. But unexpected and unmerited generosity leaves such a dramatic impact on another person's day and potentially, on his or her life. Ricky the makeup artist completely changed the direction of my day. It is easier to be hospitable and generous with friends and family, but yesterday, I was reminded that strangers are simply friends and family we don't know we've got yet. Why not afford them the same love, the same support? Cynics will call this naivete or pure craziness, but I see a lot of good born out of the courage of kindness.
After I walked back to the hotel, it seemed like this care had been further extended by the cleaning crew that day: my room had been straightened up, but with such attention to detail that it felt as though someone upstairs was whispering, "shh, it's okay. You don't always have to work so hard. Let people help you, for a change." The shoes in my room had been neatly lined up, my stuffed animal duck had been carefully placed in front of the pillows on my bed, all of the dishes had been washed and dried, the bathroom vanity had been specifically organized. I felt lucky rather than spoiled. None of these acts had taken any great expense or resources, but the care that had gone into them put a smile on my face that lasted throughout the weekend (and even allowed me to make some banging gluten-free cookies, if I do say so myself).
Starting off with filming tomorrow morning, I'm beginning this new week with a renewed sense of perspective. Perhaps I can channel my effort into enabling someone else, whom I might not know, and helping a "victim of circumstance" become a prince or princess of circumstance. Because inside each grown man and grown woman is a five-year-old who wants and needs to feel that way, at least once in a while.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
MC2 Day 10: Confidence (in the) Works
Today was the first day I began to start owning my place on this team. I mean that without inflated ego or aggression. It is simply me starting to find my light, like that shy nun in the first "Sister Act" movie. She could sing, but she really started to shine once she began to believe in that fact herself.
Since this is my first really big feature, there is definitely pressure to do some phenomenal, impressive work. As my agent told me, "just be ready when they call your name." I have always been someone to stack - make that heap - huge amounts of pressure on myself. I walked into this project telling myself, do everything you can to be noticed in a memorable way. But I am realizing that your attitude is what sells your talent the best. Let me explain.
Around the time Lupita won the Oscar this year for "Twelve Years a Slave", my friends Kenya and Kelli and I laughed at the idea of walking into auditions from that point forward, simply exclaiming, "I am Lupita!", and fist pumping the air, in an act of total confidence. It was silly, but there is something to that attitude. Gabe, who has been training me on backflips patiently, has worked with some extremely noteworthy actresses (like, people in the first few rows of seats at the awards ceremonies). He tells me that some are more physically athletic than others, but even the ones who do "just enough" get away with it because of their attitudes. Their films, and those roles, have made an impression because the actresses were absolutely committed to being badasses (with specificity, of course).
Now on set and during rehearsal, I am (and have always been) that silly, hard-working girl next door. I help put the crash pads away after we work, I ask if people need anything. The guys make fun of me at the poolside bar after our day, when I claim that mojitos and pina coladas are in the same family (they totally are!). I have fun with the people I work with. So it is difficult for me to then make that switch, when the cameras and the lights and a hundred people show up, to taking ownership of the situation. When Jennifer Lawrence walks onto set, I am sure people have a degree of respect for her, awards and recognition aside, simply from the way she carries herself. I am learning about striking that balance, about being friendly and good to work with, but then saying, "alright, I am a professional, and I'm leading this meeting." Not there yet, but it is interesting to start feeling cognizant of the need to switch gears. It's not becoming a raging diva, but it is a stepping up to the plate, at the front of a team of people fighting for your success, and confidently taking that first swing.
I believe this attitude shift will become easier with time and with practice. My martial arts moves and backflip are becoming more and more comfortable, but it takes time, and patience. A rule of thumb in fight choreography is, "fast is slow, and slow is fast." This means you have to be patient enough to start going through the motions slowly, and trust that your attention to detail and precision at a slower pace will lead to a smooth execution once you ramp up the speed. So I will think of this experience as the first lesson in attitude shifting and improve over time (which just means Hollywood will have to cast me in more films, so I can practice adequately. I'm okay with that.).
After three hours of training today, I ate lunch, worked for a bit, took a nap, talked to Kaleb, and now I am waiting in my trailer, at 12:43am on Saturday morning, waiting to shoot my first scene in a feature with dialogue. I only have two teensy sentences, but I have looked at them probably a hundred times this afternoon. This goes back to trusting yourself. I find myself saying, "you've been acting for nineteen years; you have a degree in Acting from one of the best universities in the world; you auditioned for this role and beat out celebrities for a reason." And I like to think that, if I keep telling myself these truths, then the little lies the mind makes up about being inadequate will eventually fade. After all, if you plan on confidently walking down the red carpet someday, it makes sense to start confidently walking down the sidewalk now.
Since this is my first really big feature, there is definitely pressure to do some phenomenal, impressive work. As my agent told me, "just be ready when they call your name." I have always been someone to stack - make that heap - huge amounts of pressure on myself. I walked into this project telling myself, do everything you can to be noticed in a memorable way. But I am realizing that your attitude is what sells your talent the best. Let me explain.
Around the time Lupita won the Oscar this year for "Twelve Years a Slave", my friends Kenya and Kelli and I laughed at the idea of walking into auditions from that point forward, simply exclaiming, "I am Lupita!", and fist pumping the air, in an act of total confidence. It was silly, but there is something to that attitude. Gabe, who has been training me on backflips patiently, has worked with some extremely noteworthy actresses (like, people in the first few rows of seats at the awards ceremonies). He tells me that some are more physically athletic than others, but even the ones who do "just enough" get away with it because of their attitudes. Their films, and those roles, have made an impression because the actresses were absolutely committed to being badasses (with specificity, of course).
Now on set and during rehearsal, I am (and have always been) that silly, hard-working girl next door. I help put the crash pads away after we work, I ask if people need anything. The guys make fun of me at the poolside bar after our day, when I claim that mojitos and pina coladas are in the same family (they totally are!). I have fun with the people I work with. So it is difficult for me to then make that switch, when the cameras and the lights and a hundred people show up, to taking ownership of the situation. When Jennifer Lawrence walks onto set, I am sure people have a degree of respect for her, awards and recognition aside, simply from the way she carries herself. I am learning about striking that balance, about being friendly and good to work with, but then saying, "alright, I am a professional, and I'm leading this meeting." Not there yet, but it is interesting to start feeling cognizant of the need to switch gears. It's not becoming a raging diva, but it is a stepping up to the plate, at the front of a team of people fighting for your success, and confidently taking that first swing.
I believe this attitude shift will become easier with time and with practice. My martial arts moves and backflip are becoming more and more comfortable, but it takes time, and patience. A rule of thumb in fight choreography is, "fast is slow, and slow is fast." This means you have to be patient enough to start going through the motions slowly, and trust that your attention to detail and precision at a slower pace will lead to a smooth execution once you ramp up the speed. So I will think of this experience as the first lesson in attitude shifting and improve over time (which just means Hollywood will have to cast me in more films, so I can practice adequately. I'm okay with that.).
After three hours of training today, I ate lunch, worked for a bit, took a nap, talked to Kaleb, and now I am waiting in my trailer, at 12:43am on Saturday morning, waiting to shoot my first scene in a feature with dialogue. I only have two teensy sentences, but I have looked at them probably a hundred times this afternoon. This goes back to trusting yourself. I find myself saying, "you've been acting for nineteen years; you have a degree in Acting from one of the best universities in the world; you auditioned for this role and beat out celebrities for a reason." And I like to think that, if I keep telling myself these truths, then the little lies the mind makes up about being inadequate will eventually fade. After all, if you plan on confidently walking down the red carpet someday, it makes sense to start confidently walking down the sidewalk now.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
MC2: Day 8 - A Slice of Humble Pie
As I was packing up my pads and my gear after rehearsal today, a man walked past me and sang (from Eminem's "Rap God"): "The shit I complain about. It's like there ain't a cloud in the sky, and it's raining out." And it occurred to me, that's a pretty straight-up summary of my day today.
Yesterday was terrific, sunny, and fun. It was Kaleb's birthday back in LA, which made me excited and grateful that such a great guy was born and gets to stand next to me most days. Stunt rehearsal in the morning went wonderfully, and I ate lunch with the hilarious and lovely Loni Love, whom I have the pleasure of acting with in the film. We were both tickled pink to be eating with and spending time with another female, she gave me wonderful advice about finding the holes that need to be filled in the industry, we giggled when people started staring (and a few came over to get Loni's autograph), and then we cheered when the manager said lunch was on him (he also told me he is a big fan of my work, which was a lie, but made me smile, as that might actually happen one day!). In our second stunt rehearsal, I learned from Cory and Gabe about physical precision and about shifts in fighting style, how those physical fighting changes are also part of the character. I got to take a much-needed two-hour-long nap, had the guys over to my room for Thai takeout, wine, and homemade deviled eggs, watched some of their incredible video footage for Tempest (their Parkour academy, check them out!), and got to talk to Kaleb for a few minutes (finally) to wish him a Happy 25th Birthday. It was a full day and a good one.
Then today happened, and it was not the wonderful, easy, walking-on-sunshine day. Today was what my voiceover teacher, Scott Holst, would call "Day. Of. Challenges." I slept too much, got in a decent hour of strength training at the gym, ate a big salad for lunch, and found out that the guys were ready to rehearse my fight early. So I headed over to our location, with a belly full of lamb and avocado and feta cheese, to start working on precision martial arts and backtucks. The martial arts part of things was coming along, and then we got to the gymnastics. Even though I only started working on these moves a couple of days ago, I started putting pressure on myself, demanding that I perfect this maneuver today, in order to impress the stunt team (and myself). I couldn't get it to save my life. I started getting serious, and then frustrated, and finally downright upset that I could not do what in my mind was a simple gymnastics move. I let this disappointment sit with me, let it bleed into my martial arts fight, let it disrupt my concentration and my ability to let go, which resulted in me landing a flying combination incorrectly and hurting my right leg. I found myself hobbling away from the five or six guys watching, trying to hold back tears and anger, while Cory quietly followed, told me to shake it out, walked me through a stretch, and kindly asked if I needed ice. I told him no. Moments later, when I went to get a sip of water and collect myself, I could overhear him telling two of the other stunt guys,"she's just hitting that point today, it's a lot on her."
Here's the deal: physical performance is just like acting. You can walk into an acting audition and say, "By God, I need to be - no, I must be - the BEST actor this casting director has ever seen. I can make no mistakes, or I will be shot." And that audition will be outrageously bad, you will seem stiff and unfriendly, you will want to cry in anger, and you will not book the job. Stunt work is no different. Even though this move may not be ridiculously difficult for someone who has trained in gymnastics for fifteen years, is it hard for me, after one day's worth of training? Absolutely. Is it a lot of pressure, to try to film yourself acting or doing stunts, believably? You'd better believe it. There is a reason a lot of people dream about doing this job and so few actually do. But beating yourself up is not going to help you, or your teammates. In any scenario. My debate teacher in high school told me, when I lost an important round at an acting tournament, "You get three minutes [then you move on]." I like that. There will always be days like yesterday, where everything feels perfect. There will always be days like today, where, no matter how much effort you put it, nothing feels right. But despite being sore, or tired, or injured, or scared, what people will remember you for the most is how you handled the off days. So as much as I didn't get where I necessarily wanted to be today, what is ultimately important is whether or not I let that fact define where I end up tomorrow.
Chances are I won't nail this particular move by tomorrow, or by this weekend. But I really believe I have the ability to do this move by mid June, when we shoot this particular scene. Am I scared? Of course. But I'm trying to remind myself to breathe, and to remind myself that I didn't get this far for no reason. Today is a lesson in self-worth, and in believing in your underlying talent, even when you feel like it's not there. Someone saw that spark in you and wanted to give you a chance to share it, so letting fear hold you back would be selfish and silly. Now is my time to, as Gabe put it, "get paid to just try something new". Just like the Eminem lyrics, there is nothing standing in the way of the opportunity, just made-up nonsense about personal limits and obstacles. And I'm not about to get overshadowed by my own internal complex. Tomorrow is a new day, and after a little rest and a little faith, I'll be ready to show those backtucks who Chelsea Vincent is. Might as well start there, before I show the rest of the world.
Yesterday was terrific, sunny, and fun. It was Kaleb's birthday back in LA, which made me excited and grateful that such a great guy was born and gets to stand next to me most days. Stunt rehearsal in the morning went wonderfully, and I ate lunch with the hilarious and lovely Loni Love, whom I have the pleasure of acting with in the film. We were both tickled pink to be eating with and spending time with another female, she gave me wonderful advice about finding the holes that need to be filled in the industry, we giggled when people started staring (and a few came over to get Loni's autograph), and then we cheered when the manager said lunch was on him (he also told me he is a big fan of my work, which was a lie, but made me smile, as that might actually happen one day!). In our second stunt rehearsal, I learned from Cory and Gabe about physical precision and about shifts in fighting style, how those physical fighting changes are also part of the character. I got to take a much-needed two-hour-long nap, had the guys over to my room for Thai takeout, wine, and homemade deviled eggs, watched some of their incredible video footage for Tempest (their Parkour academy, check them out!), and got to talk to Kaleb for a few minutes (finally) to wish him a Happy 25th Birthday. It was a full day and a good one.
Then today happened, and it was not the wonderful, easy, walking-on-sunshine day. Today was what my voiceover teacher, Scott Holst, would call "Day. Of. Challenges." I slept too much, got in a decent hour of strength training at the gym, ate a big salad for lunch, and found out that the guys were ready to rehearse my fight early. So I headed over to our location, with a belly full of lamb and avocado and feta cheese, to start working on precision martial arts and backtucks. The martial arts part of things was coming along, and then we got to the gymnastics. Even though I only started working on these moves a couple of days ago, I started putting pressure on myself, demanding that I perfect this maneuver today, in order to impress the stunt team (and myself). I couldn't get it to save my life. I started getting serious, and then frustrated, and finally downright upset that I could not do what in my mind was a simple gymnastics move. I let this disappointment sit with me, let it bleed into my martial arts fight, let it disrupt my concentration and my ability to let go, which resulted in me landing a flying combination incorrectly and hurting my right leg. I found myself hobbling away from the five or six guys watching, trying to hold back tears and anger, while Cory quietly followed, told me to shake it out, walked me through a stretch, and kindly asked if I needed ice. I told him no. Moments later, when I went to get a sip of water and collect myself, I could overhear him telling two of the other stunt guys,"she's just hitting that point today, it's a lot on her."
Here's the deal: physical performance is just like acting. You can walk into an acting audition and say, "By God, I need to be - no, I must be - the BEST actor this casting director has ever seen. I can make no mistakes, or I will be shot." And that audition will be outrageously bad, you will seem stiff and unfriendly, you will want to cry in anger, and you will not book the job. Stunt work is no different. Even though this move may not be ridiculously difficult for someone who has trained in gymnastics for fifteen years, is it hard for me, after one day's worth of training? Absolutely. Is it a lot of pressure, to try to film yourself acting or doing stunts, believably? You'd better believe it. There is a reason a lot of people dream about doing this job and so few actually do. But beating yourself up is not going to help you, or your teammates. In any scenario. My debate teacher in high school told me, when I lost an important round at an acting tournament, "You get three minutes [then you move on]." I like that. There will always be days like yesterday, where everything feels perfect. There will always be days like today, where, no matter how much effort you put it, nothing feels right. But despite being sore, or tired, or injured, or scared, what people will remember you for the most is how you handled the off days. So as much as I didn't get where I necessarily wanted to be today, what is ultimately important is whether or not I let that fact define where I end up tomorrow.
Chances are I won't nail this particular move by tomorrow, or by this weekend. But I really believe I have the ability to do this move by mid June, when we shoot this particular scene. Am I scared? Of course. But I'm trying to remind myself to breathe, and to remind myself that I didn't get this far for no reason. Today is a lesson in self-worth, and in believing in your underlying talent, even when you feel like it's not there. Someone saw that spark in you and wanted to give you a chance to share it, so letting fear hold you back would be selfish and silly. Now is my time to, as Gabe put it, "get paid to just try something new". Just like the Eminem lyrics, there is nothing standing in the way of the opportunity, just made-up nonsense about personal limits and obstacles. And I'm not about to get overshadowed by my own internal complex. Tomorrow is a new day, and after a little rest and a little faith, I'll be ready to show those backtucks who Chelsea Vincent is. Might as well start there, before I show the rest of the world.
Friday, May 2, 2014
MC2: Filming Day 1
Here I am on day three, and I am sore, but having the time of my life. I debated heavily whether that was actually true, and ultimately decided that, yes, this is fairly exciting and fun, considering my life experience at this point. I am alternating between the video blog posts and written ones, just depending on my mood on a certain day (and whether I have anything video-worthy to share).
My first night here was a bit of an adventure to find food. Since each hotel room is equipped with a full kitchen, there is no continental breakfast or other gratis nonsense here, only an overpriced hotel store where apples are $2 a piece. After walking a half a mile to Subway on night one and paying $9 for a veggie-only salad (which was not even organic), I decided to suck it up and voyage to the grocery store. Sure, it cost me $55 to get there and back, but my refrigerator is now well-stocked with vegetables, organic proteins, turmeric, apple cider vinegar, kombucha, green apples, and chocolate almond milk, among other things (where has nutritional yeast been all my life?! Yum!). Especially given the fact that I am trying to heal an injured shoulder, eating foods that are non-inflammatory is very important, as this can affect your body as much as meds or rehab exercises. So I won't have to worry about coming back from a stunt rehearsal, exhausted and starving, and just shoving food I shouldn't be eating into my mouth. I figure if I keep eating like a serious athlete, like I do at home, I will have a better chance of performing like one here.
Yesterday I spent about 90 minutes doing strength training and cardio, then I spent another 45 minutes working on one of the stunt moves I am trying to learn. This particular move, used a lot in Parkour, comes from Capoeira. I haven't really done Parkour before, but I am developing a lo of respect for my friends back in California who do it regularly. Running and flipping over things is much harder than it looks!
Luckily, I am in great hands. The guy training me with these new moves, Cory Demeyers, is a champion in the sport, not to mention incredibly humble, patient, and a great teacher. Oddly enough, we both did the same martial art, Tang Soo Do Karate! I started karate in college, and Master Kim, the head of the school back in Pittsburgh, actually taught Chuck Norris. So it's all coming full-circle. If this trend continues, I will soon film a movie with Chuck Norris (aka Walker Texas Ranger).
I took a nap late yesterday afternoon for a couple hours, since we were doing a night shoot. I have to add, getting my first Brazilian Blowout with the fabulous Heather Davis before I left LA is giving me a lot more time to do other things than hair. Usually, I would have to spend 45 minutes blow-drying my curly hair before heading to set, but now, I can get up, take a shower, and have great hair in 5-10 minutes. It's amazing! I can see why people get hooked on these treatments now.
I got picked up to go to set at 8:18pm, an absurd number, but I looked at the clock in the van as we pulled away, and it actually read 8:18pm. These guys are efficient, folks! Once I got to set, I went into hair and makeup, then went to set for a rehearsal, then went back to the trailers to change into costume, took a break for lunch (at 12:30am), shot the scene, and crawled into bed around 5:30am this morning.
Being on set on your first day is always a bit nerve-wracking, and I have a feeling this is the case even once you are a well-established actor. It's kind of like the first day of school; you aren't sure if the other kids will be nice to you, if the teacher is mean or kind, if you'll do things correctly, if you'll know as much as you are expected to. I got blessed with a phenomenal first day of school!
The other actors I was working with in the scene are both very funny, very down-to-earth people, including the humorous Bas Rutten of MMA acclaim. We sang oldies in the van together, talked about family, and pondered why people pick up cafeteria trays the way they do. Bas has this warm, smiling personality that wins you over with his boisterous charm. The other actor, Leif, is also great. At one point while waiting to go to set, we were both sitting in one of the trailers, listening to country music on the stereo, and we both pulled out the same crossword puzzle page from our hotel copies of "USA Today". It's great to know I am not the only dork in Hollywood! He got into crosswords with his grandpa, I with my grandma, and working on them kept our brains awake, when our mouths started yawning around 1am.
Then there is the production team, who feel like a great big family. Our director, Andy, sets the tone for an organized production unit that is efficient, while still having a great time. That's my sort of director. There is no ego, only kindness and professionalism (with orange shorts, a blue button down, baseball cap, and Beats-by-Dre headphones around the neck). Everyone else - hair, makeup, costumes, grips, set decorators, production designers, producers, production assistants, assistant directors, behind the scenes - made me feel welcome and right at home. I heard stories of epic food fights and beyond. And when I pulled the door right off the set piece I was working with, they fixed it in five minutes, and it just became a running joke; "the cart should never be pulled, only pushed. Pshh who would even think to do such a thing as pull it? They shouldn't be allowed to breathe air.." would then be followed by a wink and a smile, and suddenly any jitters or misgivings were vanquished.
I am very lucky to have such a great on-set family for this first big rodeo. I am looking forward to making some good friends and some lasting memories over the next few months, and it looks like I have come to the right place. As a newer working actor, you find yourself (beforehand) thinking, "right, I need to make connections, need to network, need to be memorable." But I think, if you get placed in the right group of people, you stop worrying about all of that, because you are just enjoying the experience and truly soaking up so much new knowledge that those things happen on accident. And that's the best kind of start day for filming an actor could ask for. Back to the party - er, stunt training - for this girl!
My first night here was a bit of an adventure to find food. Since each hotel room is equipped with a full kitchen, there is no continental breakfast or other gratis nonsense here, only an overpriced hotel store where apples are $2 a piece. After walking a half a mile to Subway on night one and paying $9 for a veggie-only salad (which was not even organic), I decided to suck it up and voyage to the grocery store. Sure, it cost me $55 to get there and back, but my refrigerator is now well-stocked with vegetables, organic proteins, turmeric, apple cider vinegar, kombucha, green apples, and chocolate almond milk, among other things (where has nutritional yeast been all my life?! Yum!). Especially given the fact that I am trying to heal an injured shoulder, eating foods that are non-inflammatory is very important, as this can affect your body as much as meds or rehab exercises. So I won't have to worry about coming back from a stunt rehearsal, exhausted and starving, and just shoving food I shouldn't be eating into my mouth. I figure if I keep eating like a serious athlete, like I do at home, I will have a better chance of performing like one here.
Yesterday I spent about 90 minutes doing strength training and cardio, then I spent another 45 minutes working on one of the stunt moves I am trying to learn. This particular move, used a lot in Parkour, comes from Capoeira. I haven't really done Parkour before, but I am developing a lo of respect for my friends back in California who do it regularly. Running and flipping over things is much harder than it looks!
Luckily, I am in great hands. The guy training me with these new moves, Cory Demeyers, is a champion in the sport, not to mention incredibly humble, patient, and a great teacher. Oddly enough, we both did the same martial art, Tang Soo Do Karate! I started karate in college, and Master Kim, the head of the school back in Pittsburgh, actually taught Chuck Norris. So it's all coming full-circle. If this trend continues, I will soon film a movie with Chuck Norris (aka Walker Texas Ranger).
I took a nap late yesterday afternoon for a couple hours, since we were doing a night shoot. I have to add, getting my first Brazilian Blowout with the fabulous Heather Davis before I left LA is giving me a lot more time to do other things than hair. Usually, I would have to spend 45 minutes blow-drying my curly hair before heading to set, but now, I can get up, take a shower, and have great hair in 5-10 minutes. It's amazing! I can see why people get hooked on these treatments now.
I got picked up to go to set at 8:18pm, an absurd number, but I looked at the clock in the van as we pulled away, and it actually read 8:18pm. These guys are efficient, folks! Once I got to set, I went into hair and makeup, then went to set for a rehearsal, then went back to the trailers to change into costume, took a break for lunch (at 12:30am), shot the scene, and crawled into bed around 5:30am this morning.
Being on set on your first day is always a bit nerve-wracking, and I have a feeling this is the case even once you are a well-established actor. It's kind of like the first day of school; you aren't sure if the other kids will be nice to you, if the teacher is mean or kind, if you'll do things correctly, if you'll know as much as you are expected to. I got blessed with a phenomenal first day of school!
The other actors I was working with in the scene are both very funny, very down-to-earth people, including the humorous Bas Rutten of MMA acclaim. We sang oldies in the van together, talked about family, and pondered why people pick up cafeteria trays the way they do. Bas has this warm, smiling personality that wins you over with his boisterous charm. The other actor, Leif, is also great. At one point while waiting to go to set, we were both sitting in one of the trailers, listening to country music on the stereo, and we both pulled out the same crossword puzzle page from our hotel copies of "USA Today". It's great to know I am not the only dork in Hollywood! He got into crosswords with his grandpa, I with my grandma, and working on them kept our brains awake, when our mouths started yawning around 1am.
Then there is the production team, who feel like a great big family. Our director, Andy, sets the tone for an organized production unit that is efficient, while still having a great time. That's my sort of director. There is no ego, only kindness and professionalism (with orange shorts, a blue button down, baseball cap, and Beats-by-Dre headphones around the neck). Everyone else - hair, makeup, costumes, grips, set decorators, production designers, producers, production assistants, assistant directors, behind the scenes - made me feel welcome and right at home. I heard stories of epic food fights and beyond. And when I pulled the door right off the set piece I was working with, they fixed it in five minutes, and it just became a running joke; "the cart should never be pulled, only pushed. Pshh who would even think to do such a thing as pull it? They shouldn't be allowed to breathe air.." would then be followed by a wink and a smile, and suddenly any jitters or misgivings were vanquished.
I am very lucky to have such a great on-set family for this first big rodeo. I am looking forward to making some good friends and some lasting memories over the next few months, and it looks like I have come to the right place. As a newer working actor, you find yourself (beforehand) thinking, "right, I need to make connections, need to network, need to be memorable." But I think, if you get placed in the right group of people, you stop worrying about all of that, because you are just enjoying the experience and truly soaking up so much new knowledge that those things happen on accident. And that's the best kind of start day for filming an actor could ask for. Back to the party - er, stunt training - for this girl!
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